Cyberbullying Victims More Prone Toward Suicide

We hear the stories all the time -- a child can barely get through the day because he's been harassed and tormented by mean texts, Facebook posts, or by a website created for the express purpose of humiliating him. Well, recent findings from the Cyberbullying Research Center reveal that "cyberbullying victims were almost twice as likely to have attempted suicide compared to youth who had not experienced cyberbullying."

The devastating effects of cyberbullying were also confirmed by The Journal of Adolescent Health. Their  newly-released survey results revealed that kids who are cyberbullied tend to feel "isolated, dehumanized, or helpless." Based on responses from over 7500 6th through 10th graders, the study also found that cyberbullying leaves the perpetrator unscathed, while the victim often ends up feeling depressed.

The National Crime Prevention Council has some excellent information on responding to cyberbullying. Click here to find out what you can do. If you are a parent or teacher, share this information with your child. Cyberbullying is a fast-growing, insidious epidemic that's affecting more kids than we even know.




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No Kidding About Bullying Update

My warmest thanks to all the teachers across the country who've offered to participate in the research study of No Kidding About Bullying. There are so many people wanting to take part, and I wish we could say yes to all of you! However, there are no longer any openings for the study. We may do a Part 2 after this one, so look for future notices in upcoming blog posts and newsletters.

The book is available to everyone at http://bit.ly/no-kidding-about-bullying, and if you decide to use it with your class or group, I would love to hear about your experiences. I am about to launch a No Kidding About Bullying blog. Anyone using the book is invited to post their thoughts, questions, and writings (including student work). I will let you know as soon as the blog is up. By the way, click here for a free session from No Kidding About Bullying on helping kids deal with exclusion and rejection. You can download and use right now. If you are a parent, feel free to pass it on to your child’s teacher.

A few more items I know you’ll be interested in:

Parents of teens and tweens, are you looking for ways to navigate the minefield of these challenging years? For straightforward answers and up-to-date information you can use right now, listen to my latest podcast, “Talking to Your Teens and Tweens.” Go to either of these links:

http://vickyandjen.com/podcast_192.html
http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/what-really-matters/id201098170

For an online interview I did with Education News on No Kidding About Bullying, and a free poem from the book, click here.

For my latest Examiner article, “Does Your School Foster Compassion and Kindness?", click here. You can post comments at the end of the article, and, as always, I invite your thoughts!

Lastly, to hear the poignant words of a mom whose child experienced relentless bullying, scroll down or click here read “The Frustration of Being Bullied.”

What are you doing to foster compassion over cruelty? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Post your comments, questions, and stories below.

To schedule a workshop or keynote for your school, parent group, workplace, or community,
e-mail Naomi@LearningPeace.com. The following topics are currently available:

- No Kidding About Bullying
- Cyberbullying
- Anger Management for Kids
- Anger Management for Teens
- Resolving Conflicts and Managing Anger
- No More Fighting
- Fostering Compassion, Kindness, Conscience
- We Can Work It Out: Communication Skills for All Ages
- Calming and De-stressing
- Bully-proofing Your School
- Helping Kids Who've Been Bullied
- Peacemaking for Pre-Schoolers
- Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Kids
- The Power of Kindness
- Creating Peaceful Schools
- Conflict Resolution for Educators
- New Teacher Training
- Fostering Acceptance
- Talking to Your Teen
- Building Resilience in Children
- Helping Middle Schoolers Handle Conflict
- Building Good Character
- Fostering Good Listening in Children
- Raising Compassionate Kids



What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”

Dignity for All Students Act Signed in New York

Kudos to Governor Paterson for making New York the 44th state with an anti-bullying law firmly in place. This Dignity For All Students Act safeguards kids from being bullied due to race, color, weight, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, ethnicity, religion or disability. Assemblywoman Donna Lupardo, a sponsor of the bill said, "Clearly defined anti-bullying policies will help students identify bullying when it occurs and understand its consequences."

The bill requires all schools in the state of New York to be free of discrimination, bias-based bullying, and harassment of any kind. "We're going to take a historic step to make sure that all schools are transformed into havens of understanding and protection," Paterson said.

To see if your state is one of the 44 that has signed into law anti-bullying legislation, go to BullyPolice.org. You'll also be able to see how your state's legislation is ranked. If your state has not passed anti-bullying legislation, make some noise. The more voices speaking out, the sooner things will change.



What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”

Time To Build More Empathy in Kids

How's this for shocking -- According to a new study of 14,000 students by the Association for Psychological Science, kids who started college after 2000 have 40% lower levels of empathy than kids who preceded them. This was the largest study of its kind to quantify the decline in empathy, and it's pretty scary. No wonder we have this epidemic of youth cruelty and bullying!

Why is this happening? One of the causes, according to Psychology Today bloggers, Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz, authors of Born for Love: Empathy, the Brain, and Human Connections, is the fact that kids hardly ever play with each other anymore. "Without unstructured free time with playmates, children simply don't get to know each other very well. And you can't learn to connect and care if you don't practice these things. Free play declined by at least a third between 1981 and 2003 --right when the kids who hit college in 2000 and later were growing up."

Too much time in front of video games, TV's, and other electronic devises is another culprit, according to Perry and Szalavitz. "Even nonviolent kids' TV, research finds, is filled with indirect aggression and linked to increased real-world bullying."

Co-author of the empathy study, Sara Konrath, concurs. Conrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, said, "The increase in exposure to media during this time period could be one factor. In terms of media content, this generation of college students grew up with video games. And a growing body of research, including work done by my colleagues at Michigan, is establishing that exposure to violent media numbs people to the pain of others."

So what can we do? Modeling and teaching empathy at home and cutting down on time with electronic media would be a good first step. Equally important is getting kids to play and talk with each other more. But beyond that, schools need to do whatever they can to foster empathy, respect, and kindness.

Click here download a free lesson that will help build empathy and conscience. If you're a parent, pass this on to your child's teacher. If you're a teacher, this lesson will help you start your students off with a dose of compassion, and the message that mean words hurt. What else do you think can be done to foster a more compassionate generation of kids? Let us know.


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Teachers: This Can Be Your Best Year Ever

Imagine a year in which your students -- all of them -- treat each other with kindness and respect. Imagine not having to continuously put out fires as conflicts erupt and kids engage in bullying. Imagine having a class full of kids who help each other, are patient with one another, and who view each other through compassionate eyes. Imagine having more time to actually teach. What a concept! Imagine having a class where kids actually get along.

Here's a free downloadable lesson that will help you start your year off on the right foot and enable you to begin creating that "get-along classroom" we all long for. Just click on the hyper-link and download. For more free downloads, go to LearningPeace.com. May you have a year that's bully-free and productive for everyone!

Here's a poem to start your year with too:

It Starts With You
by Naomi Drew

Let the eyes
inside your heart
see into the hearts
of others.

Realize
they have the need
br be accepted
just like you.

Let them see you care,
open up your mind,
treat them with respect,
show that you’re a friend.

When you do this
you might find
others treating
you the same,

opening their eyes
to look inside your heart
returning the respect
you have given them.

And one by one
the world may change;
a brighter sun
might start to rise,

reminding us
that peace for all
is rooted in
the things we do.



Adapted from The Peaceful Classroom in Action, by Naomi Drew, copyright Personhood Press.
May be reprinted for classroom use.

The Frustration of Being Bullied

I feel compelled to share this posting from a mom whose child is being bullied (along with my response). She so clearly describes the frustrations encountered in attempting to help her child, and I'm sure her experiences will resonate for many of you. The more of us who speak out, the more likely change will occur. I encourage more of you to share your experiences, and I applaud this mom for sharing hers.

My child has been bullied from kindergarten until 6th grade. We did everything the school wanted us to do. We got counseling from the inschool counselor and she taught him ways to deal with bullies - "Tell the bully to stop doing that because you don't like it." Yeah, that is real effective. If he tells the teachers, then he gets tormented because of that. We also went to an outside counselor. It wasn't until he finally defended himself that kids stopped putting their hands on them, although they still use their words. So, I have a 13 year old that blocks out everything - using a defensive mechanism that we as adults use. Our school does have a bullying policy but I feel that it is totally ineffective. They can't do anything to the bullies unless they admit they are bullies. It's crazy.

I had been bullied as a child and although I am a better and stronger person because of it, it is still something that I will never forget. I continue to worry about my teenage son and if he is truly okay. And what scars bullying has left on him.

Thanks for continuing to educate society. Keep it up.

My response:

Thank you so much for sharing this. Every time I hear stories like yours and your son's I feel such a sense of frustration, yet every time someone like you has the courage to speak out, your words help wake people up.

If there's anything positive that can be gained from being bullied, it's the compassion that arises for others who are going through the same thing. Please tell your son that he can start being part of the solution to bullying by standing up for other kids, perhaps younger, who are being picked on. From the pain he's suffered he knows what it's like. If you can, guide him use the anger he may harbor to fuel his energy to stand up for others. He doesn't even have to confront to the person who's bullying -- instead, he can ask the kid who's being picked on to join him, and they can walk away together. He can also ask someone to partner up with him and be "upstanders" who say something to the person who's bullying.

Bullying stops in ten seconds, 57% of the time, when peers intervene on behalf of someone who's being picked on. And you don't have to do this alone. Practicing The Dignity Stance and rehearsing your words ahead of time helps a lot. Share The Dignity Stance with your son. It'll also empower him when kids say mean things to him:

The Dignity Stance

1. Stand tall with your head held high, feet apart, shoulders back.
2. Take slow deep breaths to keep your cool.
3. Keep your body language and facial expression neutral but strong.
4. Make direct eye contact.
5. Speak in a firm, steady tone of voice.
6. Walk away tall and strong.

(From No Kidding About Bullying by Naomi Drew, M.A., copyright 2010. Free Spirit Publishing, Inc. The above page may be reproduced for individual, classroom, or small group work only.)

Something else your son might consider is what a group of kids from Texas did -- they'd all been bullied, so they banded together and started a club in their school called STOP (Stop Tormenting Other People). They met with the school counselor and worked toward stamping out bullying. In the process discovered that there's power in numbers. Perhaps a sympathetic teacher or counselor could support your son and others in forming a group like this one.

Please stay in touch, and let us know how things go. Good luck to you, your son, and any other families who are touched by bullying


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National Survey Results: Kids Want Solutions to Bullying and Conflict

Eight to twelve year-olds across the country revealed, in a recently-released survey, that bullying, conflict, and meanness weighed heavy on their hearts and minds. 2171 kids throughout the US were asked to share their personal stories of bullying and conflict in a survey conducted by Naomi Drew in conjunction with Free Spirit Publishing. Across the board, what the children shared was surprisingly frank, sometimes heartbreakingly so. “I try to ignore conflicts, but if I can’t I just hurt,” said a 5th grade girl. A 6th grade boy who was cornered by a gang of kids in his school hallway wrote: “They ripped up my science book, took my hat, and laughed at me. I was so mad I went to my locker and sobbed.”

An overwhelming number of the students surveyed expressed their desire for positive change. 80% said they wanted to learn ways to end bullying, avoid fights, get along better with peers, and work out conflicts. Many felt overwhelmed by the meanness of their peers. An 11 year-old boy who was being bullied daily said, “It just makes me want to die.” With the spate of recent youth suicides that have been in the headlines, words like these can’t be ignored.

73% of the kids surveyed said other kids are somewhat to very mean. “I’ve been through a lot,” wrote a 4th grade boy. “Kids don’t like the way I look. They call me names and kick me. I am so sick of being picked on.”

Conflict is another major issue for kids. Almost 50% see conflicts happening often, every day, or all the time. 68% said being teased or made fun of is the number one source of their conflicts in their lives, and 64% listed name-calling as the cause of their conflicts. A 10 year old girl wrote, “Kids called me names every day. It got uncomfortable to be at school.” How about these break-your-heart words from a 9 year-old, “People call me names and make fun of me because I don’t have a mom.”

It’s clear from the survey that kids want and need change. Teachers want change too. A fourth grade teacher from New Jersey who responded to the survey wrote, “Anger and bullying are among the major issues I see as a teacher.” With character education programs being cut left and right, and No Child Left Behind turning our schools into testing machines, it’s time for priorities to shift. We need to stop focusing so much on test results, and do a lot more to help kids learn in an atmosphere of peace and emotional safety. In the words of a 10 year-old survey participant, “I wish there was a way to clean up this mess and find a way to make peace.”



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