Okay, please indulge me while I brag just a little because I'm too excited to keep this too myself: my publisher just informed me that No Kidding About Bullying has been nominated for the Association of Educational Publishers' Distinguished Achievement Award!
This is such a wonderful honor, and so I'm happy just to have my book nominated. (If I sound like I'm at the Oscars, remember, you're indulging me here.) Anyway, the winner will not be announced till June. I can't believe I'll have to wait nine months to find out, but I've given birth to two kids, and they took nine months to get here, so I guess I can wait nine months for this too.
By the way, if you're using No Kidding About Bullying, please let me know how it's going. How are your kids responding to the sessions? Is there a particular part of your day where you fit the sessions in -- morning meeting, health, social studies? Do you have a favorite session? I'd love to hear from you and your kids.
By the way, New Jersey (my state) just came up with the most amazing anti-bullying legislation. See my article in the Examiner for details. Yay, New Jersey!! We really do lots of things right!
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
National Bullying Prevention Month Is Here
Were you ever bullied as a child or teen? I was, and just about every adult I've talked to admits that they were too somewhere along the way. Did you ever bully anyone else? I did. I was mean to my younger brother and still feel guilty about it to this day. Bullying someone else is a harder thing for people to admit, but doing so can be the beginning of helping a child who bullies stop.
Bullying can be an ever-repeating cycle: the person who's bullied bullies the next person, and so on, and so on. And each person in the bullying cycle is adversely affected by it, including those who simply watch. Bullying can have a devastating affect all the way around, and as we've seen in the heart-breaking events of the past month, it's affects can be lethal.
So, what can we do? Starting now, starting today, we can bring the issue of bullying out of the shadows. Talk about it with your friends and family. If you're a parent, and you were bullied at some point, let your kids know how it affected you personally. Or if you bullied someone else, talk about that too. Or, perhaps you were affected by seeing someone else being bullied -- this is another important discussion to have. Whatever your experience with bullying, talk about it, and encourage your kids to talk about their own. Conversations like these can open many doors. They can provide you with knowledge about your child you previously didn't know. They can also open the channels of communication about a topic that remains hidden in so many kids' lives. And more importantly, conversations like these can enable you give your kids critical information about bullying.
Let's all take part in National Bullying Prevention Month by not only having these critical conversations, but by also speaking up on behalf of anyone who is bullied, discriminated against, or treated in a cruel manner. If more people had spoken out on behalf of Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas, Asher Brown, Justin Aaberg, and Tyler Clementi, the five teens who died this month in bullying-related suicides, they might still be alive today.
If your child is being bullied, take a look at this excellent information from Stop Bullying Now, a project of the United States Health Resources and Services Administration.
If Your Child Is Being Bullied
from Stop Bullying Now
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Bullying can be an ever-repeating cycle: the person who's bullied bullies the next person, and so on, and so on. And each person in the bullying cycle is adversely affected by it, including those who simply watch. Bullying can have a devastating affect all the way around, and as we've seen in the heart-breaking events of the past month, it's affects can be lethal.
So, what can we do? Starting now, starting today, we can bring the issue of bullying out of the shadows. Talk about it with your friends and family. If you're a parent, and you were bullied at some point, let your kids know how it affected you personally. Or if you bullied someone else, talk about that too. Or, perhaps you were affected by seeing someone else being bullied -- this is another important discussion to have. Whatever your experience with bullying, talk about it, and encourage your kids to talk about their own. Conversations like these can open many doors. They can provide you with knowledge about your child you previously didn't know. They can also open the channels of communication about a topic that remains hidden in so many kids' lives. And more importantly, conversations like these can enable you give your kids critical information about bullying.
Let's all take part in National Bullying Prevention Month by not only having these critical conversations, but by also speaking up on behalf of anyone who is bullied, discriminated against, or treated in a cruel manner. If more people had spoken out on behalf of Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas, Asher Brown, Justin Aaberg, and Tyler Clementi, the five teens who died this month in bullying-related suicides, they might still be alive today.
If your child is being bullied, take a look at this excellent information from Stop Bullying Now, a project of the United States Health Resources and Services Administration.
If Your Child Is Being Bullied
from Stop Bullying Now
1. First, focus on your child. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying.
Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. What the child may “hear” is that you are going to ignore it. If the child were able to simply ignore it, he or she likely would not have told you about it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to become more serious.
Don't blame the child who is being bullied. Don't assume that your child did something to provoke the bullying. Don't say, “What did you do to aggravate the other child?”
Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask him or her to describe who was involved and how and where each bullying episode happened.
Learn as much as you can about the bullying tactics used, and when and where the bullying happened. Can your child name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying?
Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask your child what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him or her know what you are going to do.
If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don't criticize him or her.
Do not encourage physical retaliation (“Just hit them back”) as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your child suspended or expelled or escalate the situation.
Check your emotions. A parent's protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, a parent is wise to step back and consider the next steps carefully.
2. Contact your child's teacher or principal.
Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying may not stop without the help of adults.
Keep your emotions in check. Give factual information about your child's experience of being bullied including who, what, when, where, and how.
Emphasize that you want to work with the staff t school to find a solution to stop the bullying, for the sake of your child as well as other students.
Do not contact the parents of the student(s) who bullied your child. This is usually a parent's first response, but sometimes it makes matters worse. School officials should contact the parents of the child or children who did the bullying.
Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with your child and with school staff to see whether the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists, contact school authorities again.
3. Help your child become more resilient to bullying.
Help to develop talents or positive attributes of your child. Suggest and facilitate music, athletics, and art activities. Doing so may help your child be more confident among his or her peers.
Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in his or her class. Your child's teacher may be able to suggest students with whom your child can make friends, spend time, or collaborate on work.
Help your child meet new friends outside of the school environment. A new environment can provide a “fresh start” for a child who has been bullied repeatedly.
Teach your child safety strategies. Teach him or her how to seek help from an adult when feeling threatened by a bully. Talk about whom he or she should go to for help and role-play what he or she should say. Assure your child that reporting bullying is not the same as tattling.
Ask yourself if your child is being bullied because of a learning difficulty or a lack of social skills? If your child is hyperactive, impulsive, or overly talkative, the child who bullies may be reacting out of annoyance. This doesn't make the bullying right, but it may help to explain why your child is being bullied. If your child easily irritates people, seek help from a counselor so that your child can better learn the informal social rules of his or her peer group.
Home is where the heart is. Make sure your child has a safe and loving home environment where he or she can take shelter, physically and emotionally. Always maintain open lines of communication with your child.
By the way, if it comes to light that your child is bullying, click here for some very helpful information.
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What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Friday, September 10, 2010
Dignity for All Students Act Signed in New York
Kudos to Governor Paterson for making New York the 44th state with an anti-bullying law firmly in place. This Dignity For All Students Act safeguards kids from being bullied due to race, color, weight, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, ethnicity, religion or disability. Assemblywoman Donna Lupardo, a sponsor of the bill said, "Clearly defined anti-bullying policies will help students identify bullying when it occurs and understand its consequences."
The bill requires all schools in the state of New York to be free of discrimination, bias-based bullying, and harassment of any kind. "We're going to take a historic step to make sure that all schools are transformed into havens of understanding and protection," Paterson said.
To see if your state is one of the 44 that has signed into law anti-bullying legislation, go to BullyPolice.org. You'll also be able to see how your state's legislation is ranked. If your state has not passed anti-bullying legislation, make some noise. The more voices speaking out, the sooner things will change.
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
The bill requires all schools in the state of New York to be free of discrimination, bias-based bullying, and harassment of any kind. "We're going to take a historic step to make sure that all schools are transformed into havens of understanding and protection," Paterson said.
To see if your state is one of the 44 that has signed into law anti-bullying legislation, go to BullyPolice.org. You'll also be able to see how your state's legislation is ranked. If your state has not passed anti-bullying legislation, make some noise. The more voices speaking out, the sooner things will change.
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Time To Build More Empathy in Kids
How's this for shocking -- According to a new study of 14,000 students by the Association for Psychological Science, kids who started college after 2000 have 40% lower levels of empathy than kids who preceded them. This was the largest study of its kind to quantify the decline in empathy, and it's pretty scary. No wonder we have this epidemic of youth cruelty and bullying!
Why is this happening? One of the causes, according to Psychology Today bloggers, Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz, authors of Born for Love: Empathy, the Brain, and Human Connections, is the fact that kids hardly ever play with each other anymore. "Without unstructured free time with playmates, children simply don't get to know each other very well. And you can't learn to connect and care if you don't practice these things. Free play declined by at least a third between 1981 and 2003 --right when the kids who hit college in 2000 and later were growing up."
Too much time in front of video games, TV's, and other electronic devises is another culprit, according to Perry and Szalavitz. "Even nonviolent kids' TV, research finds, is filled with indirect aggression and linked to increased real-world bullying."
Co-author of the empathy study, Sara Konrath, concurs. Conrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, said, "The increase in exposure to media during this time period could be one factor. In terms of media content, this generation of college students grew up with video games. And a growing body of research, including work done by my colleagues at Michigan, is establishing that exposure to violent media numbs people to the pain of others."
So what can we do? Modeling and teaching empathy at home and cutting down on time with electronic media would be a good first step. Equally important is getting kids to play and talk with each other more. But beyond that, schools need to do whatever they can to foster empathy, respect, and kindness.
Click here download a free lesson that will help build empathy and conscience. If you're a parent, pass this on to your child's teacher. If you're a teacher, this lesson will help you start your students off with a dose of compassion, and the message that mean words hurt. What else do you think can be done to foster a more compassionate generation of kids? Let us know.
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Why is this happening? One of the causes, according to Psychology Today bloggers, Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz, authors of Born for Love: Empathy, the Brain, and Human Connections, is the fact that kids hardly ever play with each other anymore. "Without unstructured free time with playmates, children simply don't get to know each other very well. And you can't learn to connect and care if you don't practice these things. Free play declined by at least a third between 1981 and 2003 --right when the kids who hit college in 2000 and later were growing up."
Too much time in front of video games, TV's, and other electronic devises is another culprit, according to Perry and Szalavitz. "Even nonviolent kids' TV, research finds, is filled with indirect aggression and linked to increased real-world bullying."
Co-author of the empathy study, Sara Konrath, concurs. Conrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, said, "The increase in exposure to media during this time period could be one factor. In terms of media content, this generation of college students grew up with video games. And a growing body of research, including work done by my colleagues at Michigan, is establishing that exposure to violent media numbs people to the pain of others."
So what can we do? Modeling and teaching empathy at home and cutting down on time with electronic media would be a good first step. Equally important is getting kids to play and talk with each other more. But beyond that, schools need to do whatever they can to foster empathy, respect, and kindness.
Click here download a free lesson that will help build empathy and conscience. If you're a parent, pass this on to your child's teacher. If you're a teacher, this lesson will help you start your students off with a dose of compassion, and the message that mean words hurt. What else do you think can be done to foster a more compassionate generation of kids? Let us know.
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
Saturday, August 14, 2010
National Survey Results: Kids Want Solutions to Bullying and Conflict
Eight to twelve year-olds across the country revealed, in a recently-released survey, that bullying, conflict, and meanness weighed heavy on their hearts and minds. 2171 kids throughout the US were asked to share their personal stories of bullying and conflict in a survey conducted by Naomi Drew in conjunction with Free Spirit Publishing. Across the board, what the children shared was surprisingly frank, sometimes heartbreakingly so. “I try to ignore conflicts, but if I can’t I just hurt,” said a 5th grade girl. A 6th grade boy who was cornered by a gang of kids in his school hallway wrote: “They ripped up my science book, took my hat, and laughed at me. I was so mad I went to my locker and sobbed.”
An overwhelming number of the students surveyed expressed their desire for positive change. 80% said they wanted to learn ways to end bullying, avoid fights, get along better with peers, and work out conflicts. Many felt overwhelmed by the meanness of their peers. An 11 year-old boy who was being bullied daily said, “It just makes me want to die.” With the spate of recent youth suicides that have been in the headlines, words like these can’t be ignored.
73% of the kids surveyed said other kids are somewhat to very mean. “I’ve been through a lot,” wrote a 4th grade boy. “Kids don’t like the way I look. They call me names and kick me. I am so sick of being picked on.”
Conflict is another major issue for kids. Almost 50% see conflicts happening often, every day, or all the time. 68% said being teased or made fun of is the number one source of their conflicts in their lives, and 64% listed name-calling as the cause of their conflicts. A 10 year old girl wrote, “Kids called me names every day. It got uncomfortable to be at school.” How about these break-your-heart words from a 9 year-old, “People call me names and make fun of me because I don’t have a mom.”
It’s clear from the survey that kids want and need change. Teachers want change too. A fourth grade teacher from New Jersey who responded to the survey wrote, “Anger and bullying are among the major issues I see as a teacher.” With character education programs being cut left and right, and No Child Left Behind turning our schools into testing machines, it’s time for priorities to shift. We need to stop focusing so much on test results, and do a lot more to help kids learn in an atmosphere of peace and emotional safety. In the words of a 10 year-old survey participant, “I wish there was a way to clean up this mess and find a way to make peace.”
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
An overwhelming number of the students surveyed expressed their desire for positive change. 80% said they wanted to learn ways to end bullying, avoid fights, get along better with peers, and work out conflicts. Many felt overwhelmed by the meanness of their peers. An 11 year-old boy who was being bullied daily said, “It just makes me want to die.” With the spate of recent youth suicides that have been in the headlines, words like these can’t be ignored.
73% of the kids surveyed said other kids are somewhat to very mean. “I’ve been through a lot,” wrote a 4th grade boy. “Kids don’t like the way I look. They call me names and kick me. I am so sick of being picked on.”
Conflict is another major issue for kids. Almost 50% see conflicts happening often, every day, or all the time. 68% said being teased or made fun of is the number one source of their conflicts in their lives, and 64% listed name-calling as the cause of their conflicts. A 10 year old girl wrote, “Kids called me names every day. It got uncomfortable to be at school.” How about these break-your-heart words from a 9 year-old, “People call me names and make fun of me because I don’t have a mom.”
It’s clear from the survey that kids want and need change. Teachers want change too. A fourth grade teacher from New Jersey who responded to the survey wrote, “Anger and bullying are among the major issues I see as a teacher.” With character education programs being cut left and right, and No Child Left Behind turning our schools into testing machines, it’s time for priorities to shift. We need to stop focusing so much on test results, and do a lot more to help kids learn in an atmosphere of peace and emotional safety. In the words of a 10 year-old survey participant, “I wish there was a way to clean up this mess and find a way to make peace.”
What Do You Think? To leave a comment, click on the word “comments” (ignore the number that precedes it). Write your comment in the box, then click on “Select profile . . .” If the top group of options doesn’t apply to you, select “Name/URL” to comment with your name (you can leave the URL part blank), or select “Anonymous.”
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